Tag Archives: philosophy

It’s Not Easy Being Greened

I had occasion to be down in the management of my apartment building today and while chit-chatting with one of the staff the subject of exercise came up. It was then that I remembered something that I had meant to mention to the building management a few times last fall but never did. There were times when the gym had been baking hot. This is because in October and November the late afternoon sun shines directly into the floor-to-ceiling windows of the gym and makes a little solar oven out of the place if there is no air conditioning. Each time it happened I doggedly pushed through my workout anyway, but I would be drenched in sweat halfway into my workout and sometimes felt a bit ill from the heat. It was really hot on those evenings. Each time it would happen I would say to myself that I’d call the office the next day, but that I would forget. Days would go by before it happened again, and each time I got too busy at work to follow through and then forget once more.

Since I was standing there this afternoon I went ahead and mentioned it even though it hasn’t happened in many weeks. My previously cheerful apartment manager instantly bristled with indignation as she related what the cause had been.

I’ll tell you what the problem was. We had a green nazi running around the building. She would pry open the thermostats and turn them way up, turn off all the computers in the business center, unplug all the televisions at the elevators, you name it. She would leave little notes behind too.

I suppose they deduced that it was a woman doing it based on the style of the handwriting, because they did not catch her. (Isn’t it funny how you can just about be dead certain of the gender of a person only by a sample of their handwriting? I’d love to see that explained.) Apparently the Green Gestapo Gal was pretty clever, being capable of avoiding surveillance and somehow escaping the attention of the staff and residents.

I commiserated with my friendly apartment manager. I was just as irritated to learn the cause of my extreme discomfort some weeks back. It ticks me off that somebody would feel so smug about their viewpoint being right that they would choose to inflict it on everyone else without our consent or even our involvement. That “greeny knows best” attitude is enough to infuriate me every single time. I heard a funny critique of high-minded greens by a self professed environmentalist and conservationist on the radio recently. He referred to people with coercive green attitudes as those who were “greener than thou.” I loved that. Perfect.

Owing to how political alignments typically work, what do you bet that the Green Shadow here in my apartment building has a negative attitude toward people who want to restrict access to abortions? How do you think she would respond to an anti-abortion activist padlocking the doors to clinics each night when no one was looking? I’ll bet there’s just about a 100% chance that she would consider that act wrong – even criminal. And yet the hypocrite is so sure that her viewpoint on matters related to energy consumption is not only right, but that she is doing the right thing by forcing her views on others. As far as I’m concerned she’s no different at all in point of principle from the abortion clinic vigilante, and if they catch her I hope that they can press charges for something.

I absolutely HATE when people come off as being somehow morally superior to others because of views that they hold. This is despite the fact that I do firmly believe that certain things are right and wrong. Even so, I have a sense of humility about my beliefs and would not be so presumptive as to force them on others.

At a place where I happen to spend a lot of time recently there was a “Green Committee” that got established to try to find ways to reduce water, power, paper and other resource consumption. Fine so far. Then they started posting snarky little signs all over the place which bluntly tried to guilt trip everyone into various “green” behaviors. “Printing that Document Kills a Tree” and other such crap. As you might guess, that really pulled my pin.

When I saw the signs I sent out an email to some of my friends explaining that if anything like that ever happened in my office I would, out of spite, do the following:

  1. Drag the sap soaked body of a dead tree down the full length of the building for all to see
  2. Buy a Hummer that runs on coal and leave it idling all day while I worked
  3. Bathe each morning in bottled water flown in from Japan by fighter jet

Honestly, I would want to.

If you believe in a cause, great. If you want to struggle to make it successful, wonderful. If you want to sacrifice to see it through, I commend you. If, on the other hand, you want to constrain the liberties of others without their involvement, force them to sacrifice against their will for your goals, make them struggle to suit your ends, then I deplore you. You differ from Stalin and Mao and Franco only by degree and you deserve only scorn.

Take a resusable hemp grocery sack and bag your self righteousness greenies. It’s not even the tiniest bit less offensive than any other form of self righteousness.

Stumbling on Happiness

As I’ve mentioned in a few of my other posts this year, I get really geeked out about how the brain works. I’ve read a number of books either on the subject or which address the subject starting almost twenty years ago. The first of these was Dragons of Eden by Carl Sagan. I heartily recommend it to anyone that hasn’t read it.

Most recently I “read” Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. Actually I didn’t read it at all, I listened to the audiobook during my very long drive from Texas yesterday. It was a fascinating book. To make a complex thesis as simple as possible, Gilbert asserts that we humans are generally pretty lousy at predicting what will make us happy. He goes to great length to make his point very thoroughly, and along the way describes some psychological studies on related matters which I found to be truly enlightening. Most interesting among them to me were the analyses of how people tend to adopt their circumstances and make themselves happy with whatever they might be, and how people given the opportunity to modify a choice over time are generally less satisfied than people that are allowed to choose once and stick with that choice forever. Also interesting were the degree to which the retrieval of memories actually modifies the memory being retrieved, how thoroughly the frontal lobe is occupied with the business of projecting the future, and how the areas of the brain which are used to process input from the senses are also enlisted to visualize the future.

There is no way I can summarize the book’s nine hour narrative in anything like a reasonably short blog post, but if you want to get the author’s most compact description of his thesis and you have twenty minutes to spare, you could do a lot worse than the video below from last year’s TED conference.

Give it a look. Gilbert was a good narrator of his own book. He is an even better speaker. The story of how he came to be a PhD psychologist is pretty interesting too. It can be found here at Wikipedia.

Paint, Whitewash and Substance Beneath

As some of my recent posts have indicated, I’ve been pretty concerned with the progress and portent of the current recession. Most days I’m able to somehow remain unperturbed by it, accepting my sense of what will likely fill our future without letting it get me down. Though I can’t recall where, I’ve read that experiences which match your expectations can sometimes bring an odd sense of well being even when you expect unpleasant things. Call it a psychological reward for having a correct sense of things perhaps, a confirmation that the way we understand the world is correct and, therefore, the future better understood and less threatening. My time in Atlanta this past weekend was filled with experiences which, despite their contrasts, did just that. They validated and reinforced my beliefs of where we are headed, and for that reason I suppose what might have been a downer was not.

My parents were in town for the same reason I was – we were going to watch the Greatest Kid in the World perform in the Nutcracker Ballet for the fifth year running, a family tradition in which most details have now become somewhat automatic. This year, however, her performance was at 7:30 pm instead of 10:00 am. Since the GKITW was spending the weekend at her mother’s house my parents and I had all Saturday to fill with something. With the Christmas season in full swing and not everything having been bought yet, out we went.

We got to Lenox Mall at about lunch time on Saturday. I have gone there dozens of times over the years that I lived in Atlanta and I still do some shopping there when I’m in town. It would be fair to say that I have a sense of the place and it was immediately obvious that things were not as they have been. By noon the parking deck on any given weekend is likely to be reasonably full, and it’s not uncommon to have to park pretty far from the doorways. It being the holidays I had some concern that just getting inside might have been a real hassle. Shockingly it wasn’t. On the next to last weekend before Christmas the parking lot was maybe half full. In 20 Decembers I’ve never seen anything like it.

The interior of the mall was still clean and brightly lit and the advertising signage still spoke of indulgence with vivid imagery and celebrity endorsement. Nicolas Cage and Uma Thurman were still smiling from their advertisements for jewelry in the form of watches and pride disguised as evening wear. There were still fantastic luxury cars parked in the hallways – a Maserati for $140,000, a Mercedes 550 for a more modest $100,000. Every sign and symbol of wealth were as prominently displayed as they have been for many years now. In short, all of the fixtures were the same.

Everything else was different.

Unlike years past, the shoppers circulating through the mall were not packed closely and struggling against one another like spawning salmon. They were spread out, timidly advancing from one place to another like cautious deer. To what may be my admittedly biased perception, it appeared that the difference in the crowd’s psychology was as certain as it was subtle: They seemed more concerned with themselves than their shopping trip.

As if the visuals were not enough, there were the snippets of conversation I kept overhearing while walking by shoppers and staff alike in various stores:

“…well all of those people at Bank of America aren’t just numbers you know – they are real people, more than a few of whom have been our customers for quite a number of years.”

“The prices you see here are not as good as the deals that you can get – our discounts are actually way more than what’s marked. Honestly we’re just giving things away right now.”

“…and I know for sure we are going to have a bit of belt tightening here too, hopefully nothing you’ll notice the next time you come to visit us.”

“It’s all 43 stores that we’re closing, not just this one. Our largest shareholder backed out and he owned more than half the company. That’s it. We’re done.”

Hearing all of this I couldn’t help visualizing what the future might look like. What would next Christmas hold at the mall? Could it be that some of the stores with nervous employees would be dark and empty, the “Sale!” signs replaced with “Available for Lease?” Will the Maserati and Mercedes be replaced with Toyotas, or perhaps not replaced at all? Will public service announcements be hung up where Uma and Nicolas once dwelled, their presence made too expensive by the times, their goods sent far out of reach of most shoppers? As is often the case, a look into the future revealed to me the past.

When I was a kid my grandmother would sometimes use an old southern expression to describe once well off folks that had fallen on leaner times. “Too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash,” she would say. It helped to explained the gentle dilapidation of the south that used to be so much more visible than it is now. Before the economic boom of the past 30 years it was not uncommon to see nice old homes that were kept up in the best possible way that a house can be maintained with no money. Neat and tidy, but worn and faded. Some flaking paint, a curled shingle here or there, a chimney with badly patched cracks, a window where broken panes were replaced but the rest left alone and looking all the older for the contrast. If the owners remained in good health their yards would sometimes retain the appearance of a grand old home in better times, but even then there were telltale signs. There were often plenty enough trees, shrubs and perennials but no annuals at all. Dogwoods and azaleas sure, irises and lilies likely enough. But pansies and caladiums, zinnias and tulips? Not likely. You could always divide the plants that lived through the winter and multiplied on their own, swapping them with neighbors that carried on in the same way. But spending money on plants that lived for only a season? That was frivolous.

It was that world and those times that came rushing back from memory when in particular clothing store. This place is something of a landmark for finer men’s clothing in Atlanta. They’ve been outfitting business executives for decades and the gentleman who always takes care of me when I shop there reminds me very much of my grandmother’s generation. Last weekend he gave me his usual greeting, but shortly thereafter did something that he’s never done in the years that I’ve gone there. He leaned in a littler closer and said just louder than a whisper, just soft enough that anyone else nearby would feel like they were eavesdropping to listen:

“You know we’ve got some really nice sport coats at 20% off right now.”

My hair stood up. For some reason that one sentence said more to me about the fact that we really are in a bad recession than anything else I had seen or heard that day or even in the weeks before. Lehman Brothers gone? Ah well. Unemployment up sharply? Very unfortunate. GM and Chrysler on the edge of existence? Scary, but remote. Now my Trusted Man was suggesting that this store needs to use price to motivate purchases? Somehow that was both very close and unsettling. It’s just not the kind of thing that they would say. Until now. I suddenly imagined myself visiting them a few years in the future, their previously glowing shelves worn and mostly empty, the carpet looking clean but threadbare and everyone on staff looking a bit thinner. It’s probably a silly visualization but it’s what I saw. It was just about all the shopping I could handle.

That night we seemed very far away from the mall as we watched the annual pageantry of the Nutcracker. There were all of the beautiful handmade sets and costumes and the beaming children so proud and happy to be be performing for their families in the audience. In that small town the whole community participates in the event – it’s not just the kids. Herr Drosselmeyer and Mother Ginger and some of the party guests are adults volunteering their time like so many others that make the production happen. As I waited for my child to appear I still carried the impressions of the day. I couldn’t help but imagine what the show might look like in future years. Will the bright and colorful costumes be faded and patched as discreetly as possible, the dancing troupe having to stretch their use year after year because of fewer donations? Will the set pieces become tattered and worn, but still serviceable?

Eventually my daughter appeared and I was back in the present moment. As I watched both the show and all of the families in the audience I found peace again. Focused in on their children and neighbors performing once again this year, they were far from the mall too. It may be that these people will become too poor to paint, but if so they’ll also keep things up as best as they can. They will make sure that the show goes on, and people will laugh and clap for their kids and bring them bouquets and proudly take their pictures. The kids would still be as proud and happy to perform as they were last weekend. Whatever hard economic times the future might bring this was a crowd that would find a way to keep up the really important things even if they weren’t always as shiny and new on the surface. They would be here for each other even if Nick and Uma were to drive away in Mercedes and Maseratis never to return.

Time’s Up

The financial crisis that has gripped America this autumn has caused me to summon memories from long ago. Among them are a few things from my childhood, things which were taught to me by a notable member of an older generation. They make chilling commentary on our circumstances today.

When I was growing up I was fortunate enough to have guidance and mentoring from a man who came of age in the 1930s. When you hear the phrase “self made man” it is usually applied to someone that has bootstrapped his way to wealth. My mentor was self-made too, but not in that way. He was self-made in the way of self reliance. Forty years on earth have failed to show me an individual more fiercely – and effectively – independent. Many of the lessons he taught me are among those I consider most valuable even today. I will confess now that despite my admiration for him and my appreciation for what he taught me I have not applied all of his lessons equally well.

We’ll call this exceptional man Wilson.

Although Wilson had been an outstanding student and had graduated high school at the age of 16, by 1934 it was clear that he would have to forgo college in order to help support his family. He took whatever work he could get at a time when getting any work at all was damned difficult. Instead of carousing or even resting when he wasn’t doing odd jobs, Wilson taught himself to be a chemist, a pyrotechnics  expert, a magician, a printer, and a radioman.

During the second World War he helped train civilians and military personnel to be properly prepared for chemical weapons attack. After the war he started his own businesses, manufacturing a variety of chemically intensive products including cosmetics and pyrotechnics. He did that while holding down day jobs with the Red Cross and the state of South Carolina. His wife Ethyl worked both out of the home and alongside him in their own businesses. By the time they were in their early fifties they had saved enough to buy a large piece of prime property and build a house on it with cash. Afterward they quit their day jobs and worked solely at their own business for the rest of their lives, selling goods that no one else made and, at times, formulas that no one else knew. Throughout their lives Wilson and Ethyl never used any sort of credit or loans to acquire anything at all. They bought what they could from income and savings, and nothing more. Ever.

There were the other ways in which they were extraordinarily self sufficient. He liked to fish, and in the autumn months when the striped bass would run he would wade out into the surf and catch as many as he could. Ethyl kept a big vegetable garden beside the house, and they would eat, freeze or can everything they grew and caught. What they didn’t eat themselves they traded for venison and fowl and other things from hunters and farmers nearby. They spent as little as they could get away with at the grocery store.

In your mind this might paint a picture of Wilson as an antisocial person, a scrappy someone concerned only with himself. You would be wrong. He volunteered for thankless local government roles, rose to the highest ranks of Freemasonry and was a respected member of the Rotary Club and Kiwanis. Privately, he did even more. Wilson spent lots of time with kids like me, teaching us all manner of things about chemistry, magic tricks (often fun when combined) and countless other things that in my youth seemed like the hidden wisdom of the ages revealed. Least visible of all he did very personal charity, usually helping families that fell on misfortune due to illness or injury. He gave to these families using churches or other organizations as fronts. They never knew who their real benefactor was.

Wilson and I got to know each other starting in the late 1970s and early 1980s when economic times were not so great. The US was, of course, in a prolonged recession then and there were many parallels to the conditions we are starting to see today. Fuel prices were high, credit was tight (and very expensive) and jobs, especially good ones, were much more scarce than they are even now. Of course to Wilson the conditions of the 1970s were no big deal. Compared to the bitter despair of breadlines and the many other heartbreaks of the Great Depression, the doldrums of the 70’s were mild. In any case he and Ethyl had been so prudent for so long that they had little to fear. Their home and everything in it was paid for. They had lots of savings put aside. They grew and caught their own food. If times got really hard people would be coming to them for help, not the other way around.

When I would visit him Wilson talked about the tough times of the 1930’s a lot, and the habits of people in later days just as much. One of the stories that he told me was about a family he had helped back in the 1950s. We’ll call them the Smiths. I remember it vividly because he described their wretched condition so well. They had fallen on hard times when Mr. Smith had lost his job and they could no longer pay their bills. They had a lot of bills.

Wilson marveled at how the Smiths had lived. He said that they had bought everything “on time” which was his way of saying with credit that required making payments over time. Their house, their car, their appliances – even some clothes. All of these things were bought with some sort of credit facility, provided in some way by a bank, a car dealer or a department store. They had no savings, and when their income disappeared their situation quickly became desperate.

Wilson could not comprehend it. Mr. Smith had had a good job for some number of years, and yet there they were living completely in hoc. He couldn’t fathom how they would have no savings to speak of or how they could possibly think it right to owe money on their shelter, transportation and nearly everything else under those circumstances. He recalled that as a young man every family he knew of that was able to buy a home did so only after saving for many years. People who bought things “on time” suffered most when the Depression hit. That anyone in a younger generation could make the same mistake astounded him.

Wilson related this story to me because by the time I was a kid “consumer credit” had just become a reality and it deeply troubled him. He saw everyone becoming like the Smiths. Visa, MasterCard and American Express were coming on strong, and of course by then virtually everyone bought cars with loans and houses with mortgages. This was long before the average household carried the kind of debt burden that it does today. It was also long before the United States itself carried the kind of debt burden that it carries now.

I cannot imagine the reaction he would have to our circumstances now. For decades we have been a nation living “on time,” a country that has become almost wholly dependent on credit for everything.

The average US household carries $8,000 in credit card debt today, has a negative savings rate and little to no equity in the home in which it resides. I’m sure with times turning sour these numbers will only get worse. These frightening statistics are nothing, however, compared to our collective indebtedness we share as a result of being citizens of the United States.

We now carry 15 trillion dollars in debt by some estimates. 10 trillion of that was the accumulated national debt before the current financial crisis. Some sources estimate that the total of all taxpayer-backed bailouts pledged in recent months already totals five trillion dollars and is rising by the week. The two together get us to the 15 trillion mark.

But it gets still worse.

Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and other similar US government entitlement programs now have a future unfunded liability of an additional 41 trillion dollars. In simple terms this means that these programs are currently scheduled to disburse 41 trillion dollars more than they will take in through taxes over the course of their lifetimes.

Add it all up and divide by the number of taxpayers and you get to a truly astonishing and frightening fact. Assuming that the US has about 150 million taxpayers (close enough for this exercise) the grand total of all US government indebtedness including promises of future payments now totals about $373,000 per taxpayer!

If we all had hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings in the bank this would be scary enough, but on average we are all broke in our private lives. The truth is plain and unavoidable. During our lifetimes the government will be faced with a choice – come to each of us paupers asking for $373,000 or renege on the promises it has made to the borrowers that have been lending to it and all of the retirees that are counting on it.

I have no idea what will happen in the end, but I simply don’t believe it’s possible for us to honestly pay our way out of this mess. We have already gone beyond the point where you can raise taxes enough to do so. History has shown over and over again that when taxes are raised beyond a certain level overall productivity declines and tax receipts actually go down, not up. It’s kind of like trying to carry too much stuff at one time. Ultimately you just drop everything. I have to believe that we’ll reach that point long before we can raise the money necessary to pay off our nation’s debts.

The financial markets are starting to figure all of this out. Earlier this week I read here that there is talk in some circles of cutting the credit rating of the United States from it’s current AAA status for the first time ever. This has many implications, but the most urgent will become the fact that the cost of borrowing all of this money to cover the gap between taxes and spending will go up substantially. What happens after that, well… I shudder to think.

The word “calamity” hasn’t been popular for generations but it could make a big comeback. If you want to see how truly hard life was for people in Wilson’s generation I recommend a few movies and books that will give you a feel for it. For movies you could do a lot worse than Cinderella Man and Sea Biscuit. For books I can’t recommend the recent Water for Elephants enough. Older titles like Grapes of Wrath are, of course, indispensable. Of Mice and Men was both a good book and good movie. Absorb those works and reflect on how differently you have lived your life to this point than did the characters you see portrayed. Say a prayer that those two very different kinds of experiences don’t become more similar during the remainder of your life.

For his sake I’m glad that Wilson passed on many years ago. I never saw him become emotional but he was more than a proud man – he was a patriotic one as well. I think he would weep at our state today. Why we all could not have followed his kind of example to at least some degree is beyond me. It was in us I think, but somehow it escaped us in later generations. Just like the Smiths that he helped out in the 1950’s, we have been living “on time” too much and too long.

Time’s up.

Words and Wine

This past Sunday I met up with a group that likes to do two things which I’m fond of – read and drink wine. The topic for this particular afternoon was Hemingway’s memoir of life among the Lost Generation in 1920′s Paris entitled A Moveable Feast. It really was a nice way to spend an autumn afternoon and evening.

The meeting was not only right here in Uptown but not even a block away from where I live at Nikolini’s -  a little organic restaurant specializing in Greek food. Their service is casual – even a bit haphazard – but the owner is a very nice lady who spends much of her time working true craft in the kitchen. The food is simply awesome.

The group had appetizers and, on this night, the wine which we brought ourselves. Nikolini’s is apparently between liquor licenses so it operated a bit like a bottle club that day. I brought a nice French red that was recommended to me and thoroughly enjoyed it. So did another member of the group with whom I did not offer to share, but that’s another story.

As we discussed the book we all shared the same perception of Hemingway’s mood. In a word, melancholy. Though he was describing what sounded like was the time of his life as a young, happily married author in the City of Light, the writing itself was unacountably sad. It must have been related to the fact that he wrote the work in his later years, a time when he was clearly – and ultimately fatally – depressed.

One thing that you couldn’t help but notice as you listened to him tell tales about the rest of the so-called Lost Generation authors was just how forlorn and messed up their private lives were. Gertrude Stein and Ezra Pound and many others came across as people who were sad and eccentric. Above them all, however, was F. Scott Fitzgerald. He and his wife Zelda seemed to live in a continual state of chaotic, self-destructive drunkeness. Zelda seemed like the very worst wife you could imagine – jealous of her husband’s success, constantly distracting him with ridiculous drama and outright ridiculing him in private, vicious ways.

You could look back on the tales of those author’s lives and marvel that there could have been such talented and yet unhappy people at that time. But you’d be missing the broader point I think. Those authors were much like our celebrities are today – recall that in the 1920′s not only was television non-existent, but films were silent and even radio was brand new. These writers were the superstars of their time and they were often terribly tragic figures. So it is with our modern superstars, too. There are too many examples of loneliness, frustration, addiction, heartache, misery and death among the Hollywood elite of today to recount. What is it about fame and fortune?

For my part I’m glad that I get to do things like enjoy the company of new acquaintances in the golden afternoon sun of November in Dallas, cutting up, laughing, eating great food and making delicious wine disappear. The anonymous life is just fine I think!

Domestic Disturbances

A consequence of living in an urban apartment building is that occasionally you hear what is going on with your neighbors.

Take, for example, the Guitar Heroes that are across the hall from me. They will fire up their (real) guitars two or three times per week and play and sing covers of various popular songs. I almost never hear them anywhere except in the hallway – only once can I recall the sounds of bass guitar within my apartment.

Then there is High Heels above me. Never having met her, I don’t know any details of her work or personal habits. I do know that on occasion they involve brisk snippy sounding walks on a hard surface immediately above my bedroom between the hours of 10 pm and 2 am. Fortunately this doesn’t happen much.

There are also the sounds of nice weather. Living here in Uptown I’ve noticed a very strong correlation between that and loud drunks late at night. Last fall, winter and spring whenever the evenings were pleasant you would have thought you were living in Times Square. Lots of late night loud carousing which reaches it’s peak of random disturbances at about 3 am.

Usually the sounds my neighbors make are something like these examples. Anonymous, mostly harmless, desultory. But not always.

Last night I got a pizza across the street – too tired to cook after the bike ride. As I was walking back through the building to my apartment I heard something that I wished I hadn’t. Inside one of the apartments I was passing I heard a woman shouting at the very top of a voice that was shaking with rage and sadness. Since I didn’t stop I heard only a few words:

“You don’t even want me! You don’t even care about me!”

It is hard to describe without actually hearing it, but setting the specific words aside the sounds that she was making were those of a broken spirit. The male response was just loud enough to know that he wasn’t on the other end of a phone line. He was in there somewhere receiving that gale of emotion, but not participating in it.

It is hard to imagine that whatever relationship existed on the other side of that door survived yesterday evening. If it did I would wonder if it should have.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard that kind of intensity walking down the hallways, but it is maybe only the second or third time. I wonder if hearing that sort of thing is partly a consequence of the fact that the average age in this building is so young – I would suspect it’s somewhere between 25 and 30. But on second thought it also makes me wonder how often that sort of emotional volcanism exists in the private lives of the average person everywhere. For me it has been incredibly rare. I think I heard shouting in the house I grew up in only one time. I used to joke with people that if you heard someone in my family raising their voice you could expect to see weapons drawn shortly thereafter. It just didn’t happen. Major conflicts were not contests of decibels, but rather struggles of stony silence.

People watching. If you do it right, do you learn more about others or yourself?

It’s a Small Thing, but…

I flew the American 450 from Atlanta to Dallas this morning, and although I fear cursing myself by saying this, the experience was very smooth. I can now call this a trend – planes which are leaving on time and generally lacking in any of the drama and unpleasantness that so thoroughly characterized my first few months of flying this year.

Perhaps it was the smooth sailing today that enabled me to fully absorb something I’ve observed before without quite taking it in. It caught my attention this time while in line for a snack and a bottle of water at the T12 Starbucks. It was a small thing, but a revealing one I think.

The woman taking orders at the Starbucks counter was making an effective effort at being cheerful without being forced. With a bright tone in her voice she was asking each patron “How are you doing this morning?” I love it when I see people do that, and I even admire it when I see it done at a menial job in which so few people would find very much to be cheerful about. At least I some small way that simple little act on her part requires a measure of character and courage that isn’t necessarily easy to reach for.

I did not notice any of the responses us patrons were making to her until the guy directly ahead of me took his turn ordering. His reply was not “fine” or “good” or “hi” or any such acknowledgment – only “caramel machiatto backflippiolo with reduced carbon footprint” or some such bobo milkshake allowed to masquerade as coffee. That’s when it hit me.

The barista was invisible to this guy. She wasn’t even there. It seemed sad. When you make the kind of effort she was making there aren’t many rewards you can hope for. Regular customers on the T Councourse are not going to be that numerous, so there’s little chance of building any of the casual acquaintance relationships you might in another location. And there’s zero chance that her day’s pay will go up by even a dime no matter how cheerful she is.

No, just about the only external reward she could get for her effort would be some simple acknowledgement, some notice from the person on the other side of the counter that she was trying to be pleasant, even kind. But the fellow ahead of me wasn’t playing. It was one of two things. Either he was distracted to the point of being a little rude, or he cared so little at her effort that he consciously ignored it. The result was the same either way for her, but the latter would reflect a lot more poorly on him. It reminded me how much you can tell about someone by how they treat people when they have little or nothing to gain from them. How this small thing actually reflected on this man on this particular morning is anyone’s guess. It was unknowable, and nothing I could control in any case.

“Fine! How are you doing?” I said when it was my turn. She smiled a big thank you and proceeded to take my order. It was the least that I could do.

Regarding Fear of the Other

My friend James over at the arc of time recently made an interesting post called “minority” that discusses the social dynamics as relates to race. James is a white guy living in Atlanta that began using the public transit system almost exclusively a few months ago. Aside from being a racially and socioeconomically atypical public transit rider in Atlanta, there is much irony in this. James, you see, owns a BMW X5. This may make him the only man on Earth that owns such a nice vehicle and yet chooses to ride the bus. It gives you some indication of just how excruciating Atlanta traffic can be. Do I miss it? Um, no. In morning rush hour here I have rocketed all of the way from my Uptown apartment to my office just south of DFW airport in 22 minutes. The same achievement in Atlanta would require a helicopter.

But I digress. James touches on some pretty sensitive subjects as regards to race, feelings of safety, etc. Essentially, he admits that while considering himself pretty enlightened, it has taken a long while to overcome feelings that imply a sense of danger when he is among many black people as the only white guy, or one of a very few.

You know how when you read something that contains a novel idea you start applying that concept to everything? I find myself doing that with James’ topic here. Over many years I have read some great writing on how the brain is wired. One of the many things you can glean from them is this – there are far more behaviors that are hard-wired into our biology than we readily accept. It is possible for our minds to overcome them, but only with lots of effort effort.

I bet that group dynamic behaviors as relates to race are like this. If you very obviously “don’t belong” in your environment as compared to everyone else around you I bet there are some really deep seated parts of the brain that whisper things like “Watch out!” and “Be alert!” simply because if you rewind the clock far enough into the past, simple differences much more subtle than skin coloring did in fact mean imminent threats to survival. Like it or not, we humans are primates. I think it is instructive to note that there thorough observations from Jane Goodall documenting troops of chimpanzees fighting what can only be described as wars of genocide. Their biological allegiance is not to “chimpanzee kind” but to their troop of chimpanzees. We humans think that all chimpanzees look alike. Apparently the chimps beg to differ.

Take a chimp from Troop A and drop him into a clearing full of chimps from Troop B and you’ve got yourself one very, very frightened chimp. Imminent threat to his survival is simply a cold fact and his biology knows it. The chimps that failed to perceive that threat got weeded out a very long time ago.

Now cut to James walking down Broad Street. His neocortex knows that he faces very little risk from his fellow humans around him, despite the fact that his skin is white and theirs is black. It can grasps statistics, prior experience walking down Broad Street, prior positive experiences interacting with black people, that physical threat could just as easily come to him from a white person, etc., etc.

But his lower brain? The medulla, the limbic system? They don’t know any of those things. They know mostly the same things that the chimp knows, and they don’t like what they see. James’ hair stands up. His pulse quickens. His eye movement increases. Deep under the mountain of his rational mind, James’ own private NORAD senses danger. The airspace above Canada is clear but the general staff nudges the threat level up to DEFCON 3 anyway. Something about those Russkies has them nervous today.

And that’s just the way it is.

But because James does have a rational mind, he does not run away to the “safety” of a crowd of white people. His somewhat embarrassed neocortex over-rides the limbic system and the medulla. “I can take care of this one guys,” it says.

This process is critical to the things that we call culture and civilization, and it is indeed an enlightenment. We fight base biological impulses all of the time. It’s why most every person that’s ever had a job has been able to avoid being fired for punching the boss, or a co-worker, or a customer. Generally it’s why we humans can defer various gratifications, or deny them when they come at the unfair expense of others. At least we can when we try.

Our rational minds enable us to be much more than what our base biology would otherwise allow. But it’s not always easy, and it’s not always fully within our control. Our higher brains can make the decision to keep riding the bus, but other parts of our minds still exercise enormous influence over our adrenal glands.

Those facts in and of themselves are not a failure of character and they do not make us racist. They only make us human. To be a racist you have to either give yourself over to those lower impulses, or otherwise build a world view by construction rationalizations which say that those lower impulses are actually correct.

Of course it complicates matters when statistics tell us that the larger measure of violence in American society are perpetrated by young black men. This makes the case still harder for the neocortex to argue. But not impossible. I think that this is not only why James can ride the bus, but why he can be honest and open regarding his feelings about the experience.

When it comes to feelings of fear created by things like loud noises, falling, reptiles, etc. we all seem to be able to accept the idea that this is wired into us for reasons related to survival. But when we reflect on reasons why we fear each other, we either seem to have trouble accepting that our wiring is what it is, and that we should congratulate ourselves when we can and do undertake the effort to overcome those limitations.

The Soul’s Mirror

After Mike and I went to the Sixth Floor Museum last Sunday we drove on to the historic district in Forth Worth. He got to see a bit of real cowboy culture and we got a few small souvenirs and a nice steak dinner afterward. While the sightseeing that we did was certainly a good diversion, it was all of the conversation that really defined the weekend.

Aristotle said “Without friends no man would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” In recent years this has become one of my very favorite quotes.

It’s one thing to have a friend. It’s another to have a friend of 20 years. It’s still more to have a friend through 20 years of adulthood. There is a certain perspective and value in that kind of relationship that is inestimable. Among friendships, those are the ones that really ground your life, the kind that continue shining in solitude’s darkness when all other lights go out.

Mike is something of a renaissance man too, so he’s hard to beat as a sounding board. He’s an accomplished electronics and software engineer, an artificial intelligence researcher, an elected official in county government, a community booster and a great dad. I’m therefore a little embarrassed to say that most of the weekend’s conversation related to me – my change of life in moving to Dallas, my frame of mind now that some difficult times are long passed, and the fact that I’m dating again.

Since Mike is now studying intelligence and some other aspects of psychology and behavior that are closely tied to the understanding of brain function, many of these conversations had a pretty interesting backdrop. What might have been a rather mundane and one-sided discussion regarding my experience with dating in mid-life was instead a pretty high-brow exploration of aging and mating behaviors as seen from the standpoint of evolutionary biology and brain chemistry. Sprinkled in were shared observations from our shared past, including high points and low points from years gone by.

It was a gratifying series of conversations on many levels. I’ve been single now for about three years, and happily so for at least half that long. Mike witnessed all of that and many things that went before, so his very honest assessments over time serve as a kind of reflection that gives clarity that I couldn’t possibly get from any other source. Life has become a much, much better place for me than it was over most of my prior adulthood. Our time together reminded me of that and assured me that my present perceptions of peace and happiness are no illusion.

Most of the things that we discussed were purely reflective in nature, but for me one of them was actionable and forward looking. When I started dating again earlier this year I began to really struggle with whether or not I wanted to start another family. I could envision two kinds of happy futures – one in which I would share life’s bounty and challenges with a new partner but no new children, and another in which we added all of the joys and many responsibilities of parenthood to the rest of our experiences. In either case there is the daughter that I already have that remains steadily in the picture, and I was able to see either future playing out well. But there were doubts, especially in the case of starting fatherhood anew.

I have come to believe that the greater measure of stimulation and interest in life flows from the novelty of fresh experiences. I feel pretty certain that this is why I’ve come to enjoy traveling so much, for example. I think it is also why I’ve become so much harder to entertain as a reader these days. Not only does the author have to measure up to the better class of my accumulated reading, but he or she must also be offering me something new. An exquisitely told tale that I’ve already heard before just isn’t as interesting as it once was.

So what happens when you overlay that knowledge on top of the many trials and strains of parenthood?

I’ve long worried that the two just don’t go well together. A child needs and deserves the very best from his or her parents, and I strongly questioned whether or not my best would be on offer the second time around. If I was experiencing parenthood less as a new adventure and more as a rehashed duty, how enjoyable would it be for everyone involved? How likely is it that the bonds between a new wife and I would be made stronger when my perspective might be so very different from hers?

Our discussions sealed it. I decided once again – and firmly this time – that whatever my future holds it does not contain a plan for starting another family. If that limits my options for finding a new life partner more than I would like, well, tough. That’s the way it goes. Life’s clock is not ours to set and we each must do the best we can with the time we have. My time for starting families has passed, and I’m OK with that.

It’s liberating and validating and reassuring all at once to be able to reach those kinds of conclusions on your own. But to then bounce your innermost thinking off of a friend? To have another trusted mind that knows yours honestly assess your thoughts and share that assessment in a way that you can absorb it? Well… that’s invaluable.

Friendships in general are great, but friendships like that are the Soul’s Mirror. “Know thyself” said the ancient Greeks. Without good friends, I’m pretty sure that we’d have much less confidence in any such knowledge.

Studies in Hate

My friend James over at the arc of time makes an interesting post today on the neighbor that wants him dead, and the general sentiments of hate across the political spectrum.

In my experience, the difference in hate between the left and right is, most of the time, as follows: Outward expressions of hate from the right tend to come from the more ignorant and less educated, while outward expressions of hate from the left tend to come from comparatively well-educated (or perhaps indoctrinated?) and even the avant garde.

In other words, your average overt gay hater is a high school dropout. Your average openly intolerant “Christian” is someone who probably didn’t make it through college and doesn’t have a passport. Again, these are on AVERAGE.

The left is quite different. It has a long history of university educated revolutionaries plenty happy to kill off people by the million to achieve their social goals, and not just rhetorically. It also has plenty of modern rank and file that are viciously, outwardly, and visibly hateful toward people with whom they disagree. Let me be clear – this is NOT to say that all people on the left are like this. Quite to the contrary, I believe that for the most part the opposite is true. I think most left-leaning people are broadly tolerant. But those who aren’t can be quite shocking in their dehumanizing rhetoric.

I believe that this disparity in outwardly expressed hate is generally tolerated because the people toward whom the left is hateful are generally not associated with legally protected minority groups. The public is very clearly on guard to hold haters of minority groups such as black people, gay people, etc. to account and even as criminals. This holds true not just for law enforcement, but for employers also. The public at large and these same institutions are NOT tuned in to the idea of being on guard against those who hate Christians, white people, straights, conservatives, capitalists, etc. Popular culture in the form of virtually all broadcast media is tilted the same way. In fact, disdain for conservative values in popular media is palpable. Identifiably conservative, capitalist, Christian, etc. characters in television and particularly film are routinely depicted as evil, conspiratorial and otherwise villainous. Liberal figures, by contrast, are routinely protagonists or sympathetic figures and their values are often presented as the right ones by morality play. This legal and media environment combines to make it absolutely socially unacceptable to express outward hate for groups generally associated with liberals, but (marginally) acceptable to express hate against those generally associated with conservatives.

Don’t believe me?

Try this. Keep a notepad in your car for a month. During that time, count up the number of “F the President” bumper stickers you see, and all others with similar sentiments of disdain or hate which are directed toward groups nominally associated with conservatives. Do the same for how many “God Hates Fags” bumper stickers that you see, or any such similar expressions toward groups nominally associated with liberals. Also, check out the drivers of the observed vehicles. On average I bet the liberal hate is coming from someone that has the appearance of having attended college, while the conservative hate (if you can find it) is coming from someone that doesn’t have all their teeth. By the way, don’t play games of equivocation with this exercise. A bumper sticker that says “Abortion Stops a Beating Heart” is not an expression of hate. A strong viewpoint absolutely, but not hate. “F the President” is a statement of hate. These are your guidelines.

I bet your count is at least several to zero.

While the occasional ooze of hate from the ignorant right nauseates me, I can at least understand that their ignorance fuels their hatred. My question to the left is this: What’s your excuse?